Reconnecting With Yourself as an ABA Professional: Why "Me Too" Matters More Than "Me First"

I attended Dr. Shane Spiker's webinar recently where he said something that stopped me in my tracks.

He said: "Self-care isn't me first, it's me too."

I hadn't heard it phrased that way before, and it landed differently—cleaner, truer, and far more compassionate than the standard "take time for yourself" advice that so often feels impossible.

For years, I've coached parents on supporting their children, and almost always, part of that work includes encouraging parents to support themselves. Take a minute to breathe. Find time to recharge. Do things that fill your cup.

But let's be honest: for so many parents—and for so many professionals—those suggestions feel hollow.

Not because the ideas are wrong, but because reality is loud. The guilt, the exhaustion, the practical constraints, and the constant demands make it feel like there's simply no room for any of it.

And in many ways, I've lived that same contradiction.

The Overwork Pattern

I've always been someone who overworks and overinvests my time. I probably always will be, at least a little. It's part of who I am, and if I'm honest, working hard does fill my cup.

But this year, I started stepping away in small ways—nothing dramatic, nothing that required a retreat or a reset or a reorganization of my life. Just small pauses. Short breaks. Thirty seconds here, ten minutes there.

Enough space to breathe before reacting.

And I've noticed something: those tiny moments have changed the way I show up.

They help me catch myself right before I raise my voice at my kids and realize, "I'm not actually mad at them—I'm just depleted."

They help me pause when I feel defensive and recognize that the thing I'm bracing against is actually insignificant and not worth protecting.

They help me return to myself.

This is where Dr. Spiker's reframe hit home, and it's central to reconnecting with yourself as an ABA professional:

Self-care isn't about putting myself ahead of everyone else. It's about putting myself with everyone else.

Not me first—me too.

Not at the expense of their needs, but alongside them.

Why "Me Too" Matters in ABA 

Here's the thing about our work: we're constantly showing up for other people. Our

learners. Their families. Our teams. Our colleagues.

And that's good work. Important work. Work that matters.

But if we're not also showing up for ourselves—not instead of everyone else, but alongside everyone else—we eventually run out.

We get depleted. We snap at people we care about. We make decisions from a place of exhaustion instead of clarity. We lose sight of why we do this work in the first place.

Reconnecting with yourself isn't selfish. It's sustainable.

It's recognizing that you can't pour from an empty cup—not because that means you should fill your cup first before helping anyone else, but because you need to include yourself in the care you're extending to everyone around you.

Me too. Not me first. Me too.

The Practice: Finding Tiny Moments That Pull You Back to Yourself

One small shift I've made lately is picking up embroidery.

(It still surprises me to type that.)

But it works.

It forces me into the present moment. It keeps my thoughts from running away with me. And honestly? It's become a much healthier replacement for the mindless scrolling I used to do when I was tired, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected.

Embroidery time instead of scrolling time has made a noticeable difference in my tolerance—my patience with myself, with my kids, with the world.

Now, I'm not saying you need to take up embroidery. That's my thing. Your thing might be completely different.

But the principle is the same: find something small that pulls you back to yourself. Something that gives your brain a break from the constant problem-solving, decision-making, people-pleasing mode we're in all day.

Ideas for Tiny Moments of Reconnection

Here are some ideas, but please—make this your own:

• Movement breaks. Even just standing up and stretching between sessions. A five-minute walk around the block. Anything that gets you out of your head and into your body.

• Creative outlets. Drawing. Writing. Music. Gardening. Baking. Anything where you're creating something with your hands and not thinking about work.

• Mindful pauses. Before you walk into your next session, take three deep breaths. Before you respond to that email, count to five. Before you react to a challenging behavior, give yourself ten seconds.

• Connection without agenda. Call a friend just to chat. Hug your kid without it being about bedtime or homework. Pet your dog. Connect with someone or something you love without trying to fix or solve anything.

• Single-tasking. Pick one thing—drinking your coffee, eating lunch, driving home—and just do that thing. No multitasking. Just be present with the one thing.

The goal isn't to add more to your plate. The goal is to find small spaces within what you're already doing where you can reconnect with yourself.

When Reconnecting With Yourself Means Setting Boundaries

Sometimes, reconnecting with yourself means recognizing that you need to set boundaries you haven't been setting.

Maybe that's not checking work emails after a certain time. Maybe that's saying no to additional cases when your caseload is full. Maybe that's asking for support when you need it instead of powering through alone. Maybe that's taking your PTO without guilt.

Boundaries aren't selfish. They're how we sustain ourselves in work that requires us to show up fully for other people.

And here's what I've learned: when you set boundaries, you're not just protecting yourself. You're modeling for your team, for the families you work with, for the field at large that sustainable practice is possible.

At Precision ABA, we believe in authentic connection. But you can't connect authentically with others if you're disconnected from yourself.

Me too means including yourself in the care you extend to everyone else. And sometimes that means setting limits, saying no, or stepping back when you need to.

The Ripple Effect

Here's what surprised me most about reconnecting with myself through these tiny moments: the impact isn't just personal.

When I'm more grounded, my sessions are better. I'm more present with my learners. I'm more patient. I notice things I would have missed when I was running on fumes.

When I'm more connected to myself, my conversations with families are more authentic. I listen better. I respond with more empathy. I'm actually there instead of just going through the motions.

When I'm taking care of myself, I have more to give to my team. I'm a better supervisor, a better colleague, a better leader.

The "me too" approach isn't just about you. It's about everyone you serve.

Because the truth is, our learners and families don't just need our clinical skills. They need us—rested, grounded, present, connected versions of ourselves.

And we can't be that if we're constantly running on empty.

Reconnecting Is an Ongoing Practice

I want to be clear: I'm not writing this from a place of having it all figured out.

I still overwork sometimes. I still get depleted. I still have moments where I realize I've been neglecting myself and need to recalibrate.

Reconnecting with yourself isn't a one-time thing. It's an ongoing practice. It's something we have to come back to again and again, especially in work that constantly asks us to show up for other people.

But that's okay. That's part of being human.

The goal isn't perfection. The goal is awareness. Noticing when you're disconnected. Having tools to help you reconnect. And being willing to include yourself in the care you extend to everyone else.

Me too. Not me first. Me too.

Free Resource: Care That Includes You: A Reconnection Guide

I've created a practical guide to help you reconnect with yourself this week. It's a simple, fillable resource that walks you through recognizing when you need reconnection, finding tiny moments throughout your day, practicing the "Let It Drop" exercise, setting one meaningful boundary, and checking in with yourself weekly.

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