Reflecting on the Year and Setting Gentle Intentions for Neurodivergent Families

Rethinking New Year's Resolutions

Here's what happens every January: everyone sets big ambitious goals. Lose weight. Exercise daily. Be more patient. Achieve more. Transform completely.

And for families with neurodivergent children, those resolutions often include things like: get my child to do X, fix Y behavior, master Z skill.

Then by February, you're behind on the goals. Feeling like you've failed. Beating yourself up for not doing enough.

Setting intentions for neurodivergent families needs to look different. Not because you're not capable, but because the traditional resolution model isn't built for the reality you're living.

What This Year Actually Was

Before thinking about next year, let's acknowledge what this year has been.

It probably wasn't what you planned. There were probably hard moments you didn't see coming. Days that felt impossible. Setbacks that hurt.

But there were also small victories. Moments of progress. Times when something finally clicked. Days when you managed better than you expected.

Take time to reflect honestly:

• What were the hardest parts of this year?

• What surprised you?

• What did your child accomplish, even if it seems small?

• What did you learn about your child's needs?

• What did you learn about your own limits?

• What work do you want to keep doing?

• What didn't work that you can let go of?

Write these down if it helps. The point isn't to judge yourself. It's to see clearly what actually happened, not what you wish had happened.

Acknowledging What You've Navigated

Setting intentions for neurodivergent families starts with recognizing what you've already done.

You've advocated at IEP meetings. You've explained your child's needs to people who don't understand. You've managed meltdowns in public while people stared. You've fought with insurance. You've researched therapies and strategies.

You've shown up on days when you had nothing left. You've made accommodations. You've adjusted expectations. You've celebrated progress that other people don't even notice.

You've done hard things all year. That counts.

Gentle Intentions vs. Rigid Resolutions

The difference between resolutions and intentions:

• Resolutions are rigid goals with pass/fail outcomes. They're often about fixing or changing or achieving.

• Intentions are directions you want to move toward. They're flexible, forgiving, and focused on values instead of specific outcomes.

For example:

Resolution: "Get my child to make eye contact during conversations."

Intention: "Support my child's communication in whatever form works for them."

Resolution: "Stop losing my patience."

Intention: "Notice when I'm getting overwhelmed and take breaks before I reach my limit."

Resolution: "Make my child more independent."

Intention: "Help my child build skills while respecting their current needs."

See the difference? Intentions leave room for reality. For hard days. For the fact that progress isn't linear.

Questions for Setting Your Intentions

For your child:

• What does my child need most right now (not what I wish they needed, but actually need)?

• What skills or growth would genuinely improve their quality of life?

• What am I pushing for that's more about my expectations than their readiness?

• Where have I seen them make natural progress that I could support more?

• What accommodations or supports would reduce their daily stress?

For yourself:

• What boundaries do I need to set this year?

• What support do I need that I haven't been asking for?

• What am I doing that's not actually helping?

• What brings me and my family moments of ease or joy?

• How can I be kinder to myself when things are hard?

For your family:

• What's working in our routines that we should protect?

• What's causing unnecessary stress that we could change?

• What do we want our home to feel like?

• How do we want to handle challenges differently?

Involving Your Child in Reflection

Depending on your child's age and communication style, they might have thoughts about the year too.

You could ask:

• What was your favorite thing this year?

• What was hard for you?

• What do you want to do more of?

• What do you want to do less of?

• Is there something you want to learn or try?

Keep it simple. Don't make it a big formal conversation. Just create space for their

perspective if they want to share it.

Their answers might surprise you. What you think matters to them might not be what actually matters.

Making Intentions Specific (But Flexible)

Once you've reflected, choose a few intentions. Not ten. Not a massive list. Just a few things that feel important.

Make them specific enough to be meaningful but flexible enough to be realistic.

Examples of gentle intentions for neurodivergent families:

• "I will protect one hour of downtime every day, even when the schedule is busy."

• "I will say no to activities that drain our family without guilt."

• "I will celebrate small progress instead of focusing on what's not happening yet."

• "I will ask for help when I need it instead of trying to do everything alone."

• "I will trust my child's timeline instead of comparing them to others."

• "I will take care of my own regulation so I can support theirs."

• "I will educate people about my child's needs once, then set boundaries with those who won't listen."

Building in Reflection Checkpoints

Setting intentions for neurodivergent families isn't a one-time thing. Life changes. Your child's needs change. What felt important in January might not matter by June.

Build in time to check in with your intentions:

• Monthly: Am I still moving in this direction?

• Quarterly: Do these intentions still fit our reality?

• As needed: What needs to shift right now?

It's okay to adjust. It's okay to let go of an intention that's not working. This isn't about commitment to a plan—it's about staying aligned with what actually helps your family.

Permission to Keep It Small

Your intentions don't have to be impressive. They don't have to sound good when you tell other people about them.

Maybe your only intention is to survive the year with less burnout. Maybe it's just to notice the good moments when they happen. Maybe it's to stop apologizing for your child's needs.

That's enough. Small intentions that you can actually maintain matter more than big impressive goals that exhaust you.

What Success Looks Like When Setting Intentions for Neurodivergent Families

In traditional goal-setting, success is hitting the target. But setting intentions for neurodivergent families means success looks like:

• Moving generally in the direction you wanted

• Adjusting when things change

• Being kinder to yourself when it's hard

• Celebrating small moments of progress

• Surviving the hard days without giving up

You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to achieve everything. You just have to keep showing up.

Looking Ahead Without Pressure

The new year doesn't have to be about transformation. It can just be about continuing forward with a little more clarity about what matters.

Some days will still be hard. You'll still have setbacks. Your child will still struggle with things. You'll still feel overwhelmed sometimes.

But with gentle intentions instead of rigid resolutions, you've got something to come back to that doesn't make you feel like you're failing.

That's what setting intentions for neurodivergent families is really about: creating a guide that supports you instead of adding more pressure.

Moving Forward

This year has been a lot. Next year will probably be a lot too.

But you've already proven you can handle hard things. You've already shown up for your child in ways that matter, even when it's been exhausting.

Whatever intentions you set, make sure they include space for rest, grace, and the reality that some days are just about getting through.

That's not giving up. That's being realistic. And realistic is what actually works.

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